Here are 10 great ways to spend your summer if you agree that hours in the scalding-hot sun spent getting sand in all of your unmentionable crevices is NOT a good time.
Note: If you are into that, I suggest you try these out anyway because there is likely something seriously wrong with you.
- Buy a portable air conditioner. Buy a small generator and use it to run the A/C. Buy one of those rolly carts people use for their oxygen tanks. Lock yourself in your house. Call Al Gore and apologize. Love every minute of it.
- Go to Target. Bring a few limes, a bag of ice, some rum, some mint, some sugar, and some club soda. Pick out a nice set of tall glasses from their housewares section. Sit at the umbrella’d table which is part of their summer porch display. Muddle, pour, squeeze, mix, drink, sigh - and repeat. Sunglasses optional.
- Buy blocks of ice from the corner store. Leaving them inside of the bag, place one block under each of your couch cushions. Take a nap.
- Fill an old Windex or Febreeze bottle with liquid nitrogen. Spray yourself as needed. The best part is you just recycled plastic!
- I hate to advocate buying anything but the most premium ice cream, but if you want to stay cool, non-fat frozen yogurt is the way to go this summer. It has a much colder “mouth feel” due to the lack of solid butterfats that make real ice cream taste so delicious. Buy a few pints and eat them. Dude, you just lost weight, too!
- Fill the bathtub with ice cubes. Turn on the hot water. The ice cubes will melt pretty quickly (endothermically), meaning a ton of absorbed heat from your body. Cooooool. Just don’t stay in too long, and don’t try this shower-style.
- Sneak into the kitchen of a big restaurant, and hide from the head chef inside the walk-in freezer.
- Sit in your kitchen drinking a nice glass of fresh lemonade while thinking of the children in Africa. (Sorry!)
- Ride the 4 Train all day. At only $2, that’s way cheaper than parking at the beach!
- Open your refrigerator and freezer doors and stand in the kitchen. Duh.