Stubbornness Is A Disease

Just like alcoholism, anorexia, and yes, pregnancy, stubbornness is a disease.

The first symptoms of it are often displayed at a very young age, but one must be careful not to misdiagnose what might just be a moment of quite natural and health childish egoism. When symptoms persist into “of-agedness,” however, it becomes clear that what is taking place is most unhealthy.

Subjects display extreme unwillingness to change position on even the most trivial matters of debate, often becoming irritatingly unreasonable and strongly defying logic, group consensus, and other practical matters. They irrationally cling to the first thought that enters their diseased minds, even when contrary evidence is presented from a reliable source. Changing the mind of one afflicted with stubbornness is often an exercise in futility and frustration, but this hardly means it is not worth a try.

Diseased individuals appear as normal in nearly every other way (though often possessing of a particularly distracting, and therefore infuriating, identifying feature such as a somewhat beakish nose). Therefore, it is not easy for friends and family of the afflicted to recognize that many of the most infuriating, mean, and stupid things she does - actions commonly associated with “assholes” or “bitches” - are not, in fact, under her control.

Stubbornness has no cure, but its symptoms may be treated as they occur, with varying degrees of effectiveness. Studies have found that the best way to deal with a Stubborn - as those with this condition are known - is by leveling a sharp blow to the face using a fist, or some other heavy, blunt object (a simple carpenter’s hammer is desirable to this end, though take care not to employ its forked end too frequently). Repeated doses are often quite necessary and/or desirable, and there should be no fear of over-medicating in this way.

Until the disease of stubbornness is no longer passed down genetically (or acquired through social conditioning - there is still a debate about its origins in medical circles), the insidious nature of this disease will plague mankind in all walks of life. Our best defense, therefore, is a good offense, and this means taking the initiative to seek out and medicate those afflicted with the disease. Do not hesitate to take drastic prescriptive measures, even if the subject protests, (and she shall quite mightily at times).

She knows not what is good for her. She has a disease. Her faults are not her own.

It is all for the best.